Guilt

Yoda August 2005 - October 17, 2008

Feeling guilty just sucks.

Remember our kitty who was having the pooping issues? We put him out on on the porch to keep him from pooping on the carpets. Which was fine, we gave him food and water. He hung out around the porch. The kids would go out and pet him. We'd let him back in. He'd poop on the floor again. So we'd put him back on the porch again with his food and water.

On October 1st, I came home with a pet taxi to take him to the vet. We couldn't find him. I was afraid he might have gotten hit by a car, but with all the construction right in front of our house, it wasn't likely. Bobby thought someone probably took him in, since he never strayed far from the porch. That seemed plausible and I hoped it was so, since he was a housecat and had never had to fend for himself. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't come back to the porch for his food, unless someone else was feeding him.

We found him last night. He was huddled on the side of the road by a big gravel pile. His eyes were so matted, he couldn't see. We brought him in the house and saw how sickly he was. He was filthy and emaciated. He obviously hadn't eaten or drank anything since he had disappeared. I don't know where he had gotten off to for that two weeks or how he had almost found his way home. We bathed him, warmed him up, and tried to get him to eat or drink. We left him in the playroom snuggled up in a blanket last night. I woke up about 4:30 this morning to find him curled up behind my knees. I thought that if he had the energy to make it up the stairs and onto the bed, surely he would get better. He even drank a little water this morning before we took him to the vet.

Bobby noticed some bleeding in the tub when he bathed him. He thought he may have peed in the water. I thought he might have a kidney infection. I figured the vet would give him an IV and antibiotics.

It was much worse than that. Bobby just called from the vet. They said he was in acute kidney failure. Even if they pumped him full of fluids, his kidneys would not recover. They had to put him to sleep.

I feel such guilt over this little cat. He had been with us for the last 3 years, since he was a kitten. He napped with me after I came home from work. He tolerated the kids toting him around. He would climb into our laps while we watched TV. At night, after chasing his brother through the house, we would find him snuggled up with one of the kids. We should have taken him to the vet sooner. We should have searched for him longer. We should have done right by this cat.

My heart aches for Yoda and how he suffered. Knowing that the kids hovered over him last night, that he slept snuggled up and warm gives me a little relief. As Teagan will tell you, our cat had to go bye bye.