Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Adjusting

It's Tess's 3rd day, and we're slowly adjusting to her schedule. The first day home, she was pretty gassy and irritable. We were starting to think we might have another little diva on our hands. She would fuss if she wasn't held. Luckily though, she's feeling better today. And while she was up every 2 hours our first night home, she stretched it out to 3 hours a couple times last night.
We visited the pediatrician yesterday. She said Tess looks great, nice and pink with no signs of jaundice, probably because she's a piggy who gulps when she eats and pees and poops like crazy. They say she's down to 6 lbs 13 oz, but I'm not sure about that. She doesn't seem much smaller to me. 2 days old
I have figured out her usual routine. If she has a dry diaper and a full belly, I can get her to sleep a bit in the swing or lying down if she is swaddled. I managed to get a load of clothes in the wash, the bathroom cleaned, the upstairs vacuumed and a shower, all while she napped this morning.
Good thing, because the baby blues have hit. Hard. I was feeling like an emotional wreck this morning. Stuck somewhere between irritability, frustration, and sadness. I think I cried three times before 9 am. Over nothing at all, a song, a video, just holding Tess and staring at her little face. I feel a little better now after getting a few things accomplished and having a good cry in the shower. Not really a good one, but the ugly kind, the sobbing, lip pouting, snot dripping kind. The bad thing is, I'm a perfectionist. The other bad thing is, I'm lazy. So when I see things that need to be done, but don't feel like doing them, that contributes to the irritability. Combine that with 4 older squabbling children, and the post partum emotional roller coaster........ This morning was one of those "I'm not tough" mornings.
I think people assume that if you choose to have a large family you should just suck it up and take it. Nobody criticizes the Mom who says "I can barely handle the two I have", but ask the Mom who has 4 or more how many times she's heard you know what causes that, right? Or, you're the one who wanted to have another one. Yeah, moms of many chose this life, but that doesn't mean it's easy. We're not brave, or crazy. Yes, we have our hands full. And sometimes, a little acknowledgement that this is hard would be appreciated.

3 comments:

Diana said...

You need to give your self a BREAK!!! You just had a BABY a few days ago and personally I think you are doing WAY to much. It would not matter if you had 1 or 12 you still JUST had a baby (a beautiful one too:)
My heart goes out to you..Enjoy your family and your new baby.
You are a AMAZING mom.
Big Hugs

Sarah in MT said...

The more I've gotten to know you, the more you amaze me from afar. I don't grow a vegetable garden and freeze the produce, I haven't cleaned my closet for ages, I can't imagine keeping up with 4, now 5, little ones while taking photos and writing funny blogs about life with a big family. And I haven't cleaned my bathroom for more days than I care to admit, and certainly can't imagine doing it 3 days after giving birth! Ease up on yourself, my friend. You are absolutely right...Being a mom to any kid, regardless of the quantity, the age, the nature of their birth relationship, is hard work. And I continue to be impressed by your ability to juggle it all. Now try to find some time for yourself and take a good nap - the rest will still be there when you wake up and you can deal with it then.

Debbie said...

I agree with Sarah and Diana. You are doing WAY too much for JUST having a baby. I KNOW that if YOU don't do it, it probably won't get done, but that's okay. You can let things slide for a while. DH can pitch in for a few days (or more) and if he doesn't, then let it go for a few days. Then do a little at a time!!!
I don't know how you do it all either! You seem to have a good handle on it all and you certainly do amaze me. Take care of yourself and know how amazing you are!!